Grieving at Christmas: How to Cope with Loss During the Holiday Season
Any ‘first’ special occasion can be difficult to cope with when you’re bereaved.
A first birthday, an anniversary, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and so on can each bring their own challenges. Some bereaved people notice a dip in their coping abilities as a special date draws near. Emotions and experiences that were previously dealt with may come to the surface again and you might even feel you are ‘going backwards’ in your grief.
Below we focus on grief at Christmas, but the suggestions might also be useful for helping you cope with any special dates or occasions that are difficult to face.
While it’s tempting and understandable to try to ignore these special dates, some planning and preparation can help make these days a little less difficult.
It’s generally better to know ahead of time how you’ll spend the day rather than face into it with any plan. Even if you decide to change your plan, or find it no longer suits you, you’re taking control of the day rather than allowing it to control you.
Understanding your Grief at Christmas
There is something about Christmas that tends to make us emotional.
Most of us have strong memories of childhood Christmases – both good and bad – and we recall them each year as Christmas draws near. The family memories of Christmases gone by can be overwhelming and send us into a tailspin of renewed grief.
The first Christmas after loss may bring many challenges. Perhaps the person you’ve lost was the person who used to decorate the tree or make the Christmas pudding or look after some other special Christmas job. You really miss them when those traditions come around. Simple decisions such as whether or not to hang up stockings or how to set the table for one less person can lead to feelings of deep upset and loneliness.
Few people get through the Christmas season without some sadness, even if they’ve not been bereaved.
For many people, it’s a bittersweet time when they’re reminded of other losses in their lives such as absent family members, a relationship that didn’t work out or a longed-for child that never happened.
These disappointments seem to hurt more at Christmas time particularly when it seems, from the outside, that everyone else is having a wonderful time. Whatever your particular circumstances, remember you’re grieving and you need to pace yourself and be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself it’s only one day and you can get through it.
Grief at Christmas.pdfIf there are children in the family, try to include them in the planning. Ask them for their ideas on how to spend the day. Young children may need to be reassured that Santa is still coming and to know it’s okay to enjoy Christmas even if people are sad.
If you’ve been bereaved this year, remind yourself that the grief journey takes its own time and most people experience days when they’re coping quite well and other days when they feel ambushed by their grief.
Just getting through the day can sometimes be a challenge. It may well be a very sad Christmas time for you, but, even on the most difficult of days, something unexpected may happen that lifts your spirits even for a few moments – it might be carol singers, the sound of excited children laughing or a thoughtful note through the letter box letting you know that others are thinking of you at this time.
Bereavement Support Line: Christmas Operating Hours
These are the Bereavement Support Line Christmas operating hours. Outside of these hours, you can request a callback for when the line is open.
- 23rd, 24th December – 10am – 1pm
- 25th, 26th December – Closed
- 27th, 30th, 31st December – 10am -1pm
- 1st January – Closed
From 2nd January onwards, normal hours will resume: Mon – Fri, 10 am – 1 pm.
